Monday, December 26, 2005

"Bush BS Brigade's Latest 'Red Herring

 FISAs immediate wasn't immediate enough, so Bush made it 'immediater'
  by August Keso, December 26th, 2005

George W. Bush, Karl Rove, and Republicans in general, are the disinformation dirty-trickster masters. No matter the issue, no matter the crisis, no matter their crime - they've mastered the stygian art of the false argument. Bush's highly illegal, and un-Constitutional American citizen spy program is no different - the Dissembler-in-Chief has loosed the BS Brigades once again, and they come bearing plenty of "red-herring".

Were "red-herring" a fish, there would be enough of them to restore Louisiana's once-proud now, nearly collapsed fishing industry. The government's share of revenue generated by the "red-herring" catch alone, would be more than sufficient to fund the rebuilding of ten New Orleans' and three entirely brand-spanking-new Gulf Coasts. Sadly, "red-herring" isn't a real fish, but merely the vile "mind masturbate-n-switch" method through which Bush, Rove, and Republicans intentionally mislead, deceive, manipulate, and lead astray the American public. Even when caught "red-handed" spying on the American people, their first and only response is to generate the largest school of "red-herring" ever to have swum the U.S. political waters.

Suffice it to say, the administration's domestic spying legal "red-herrings" have all been caught, filleted, and the skeletal remains discarded. That old "herring" won't swim anymore. No further comment required.

Recognizing their initial school of lies weren't able to make the upstream swim, Bush and his BS Brigades are now, attempting to stock the political waters with a new school of "red-herring". This crop of "herring" navigates the dark political channels something like this: FISAs (Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act) provision allowing government agents to immediately -- without delay, without warrant, as in right this instant-- begin eavesdropping (then within 72 hours obtain a warrant to continue doing so) on suspected "evil-doers" wasn't sufficient. Wasn't fast enough - repeat "immediately" wasn't fast enough!

Here is the scenario: Someone -- American citizen or otherwise, presumably not members of the Catholic or Quaker groups currently being monitored -- inside the U.S. is part of a plot to blow-up Bush's brain. No, not Bush's real brain, Rove - rather his "other" real brain, which barely functions...the one in his thick skull. Anyway, so someone is going to plant a sneeze inside Bush's cranium, which would be more than sufficient to cause his brain to blow into three subatomic-sized pieces...they are going to do this nefarious deed immediately, and are discussing the methodology over the phone.

FISA only allows for the "immediate" surveillance of this fictional conversation taking place between two people on cell phones. What are Bush's SS troops to do? They make a move for the immediate application of FISA -- they'll begin monitoring immediately, and get the warrant to continue eavesdropping sometime within the next 72 hours -- but FISAs version of "immediately" isn't immediate enough - uh-oh...they're screwed!

That's where Bush's highly illegal, un-Constitutional domestic spy program comes to the rescue. Since Bush authorized the illegal and un-Constitutional program to spy on American citizens - as it was Bush's version of "immediate", the omnipotent President...nay, the new Emperor of America that authorized the plan, his "immediate" is more "immediate" than FISAs. Emperor Bush's immediate it turns out, is much more "immediater" than any other previously known versions of "immediate".

Has anyone detected the "red-herring" swimming through this -- the Bush BS Brigade's -- argument? Not yet? We'll continue then...

Okay, so, the agents employed FISAs "immediate" but alas, immediate wasn't immediate enough, so they disregarded "immediate" and instead utilized Bush's "immediater" and loh-n-behold...because the Emperor decreed his un-Constitutional and illegal spying on American citizens - his immediate was indeed more immediate than immediate itself. Hence, the agents were able to halt the evil plot to plant a sneeze in Bush's head. Thus they prevented the Emperors brain form exploding.

Actually Bush, Rove, and Republicans don't use the scenario above to explain their "red-herring" version, but the concept is the same. What to do, if someone is plotting -- over the phone or computer -- to immediately detonate a bomb inside the U.S.? FISAs version of "immediate" isn't immediate enough. The only possible way for them to make "immediate" immediate enough, was for Bush to have authorized the illegal domestic spy program. Somehow, when Bush said NSA could immediately -- albeit illegally -- monitor a conversation, THAT immediate became "immediate" enough. Therefore, Bush was justified in shredding the Constitution and breaking the law - by illegally authorizing NSA to spy on American citizens.

The "red-herring" in this moral: Immediate isn't immediate enough, until Emperor Bush makes immediate "immediater".

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